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Monthly Archives: February 2012

Life

Really I think this is just gonna be a short posting today, like a short marker on my own mental health status.  First off I was on another site that asked me to create one of those “about me” postings that I find so annoying.  This time though I drew one up that I’m pretty proud of ;

“Who am I? I am a product of my generation, family, culture, and experiences. The person you see before you is not a perfect work nor will I ever be. I have fallen, been discarded, abandoned, and left alone. Each time, I get back up and move on. You want to know me? I am faulty, broken, and weathered. Does this bother me? I would be lying if I said no but such is life. I live, I learn, and I search. Search for what I believe is right and what is me in this ever expanding and shrinking world. During this process I hope to find someone who I can call my best friend, partner, wife. A person that will be my support, my influence, my passion. To stand beside me as my equal. I search not for that elusive Perfect Love, but the Love that is Perfect for me. Who am I? I.Am.Me.”

Life is going good I think at the moment.  Work is starting to get a grove for me and I am really starting to solidify a social life.  I would be lying if I said work doesn’t drain me but I think I’m beginning to cope.  For example, it seems not only am I, hopefully, affecting my client’s lives towards a more positive outlook, but I am beginning to try and grow my life.  I am still socially responsible for my actions and responsibilities but I have been getting out more and doing more.  Recently I completed my first 10k run in a long time, and I got third place!   I wouldn’t have had the drive if it wasn’t for a recently new friend of mine named Nina.  She knew I liked to run and convinced me to be her running partner.  We trained sporadically but made our goal of doing the 10k in under 70 minutes!  In addition, I’ve been spending more time with my family and letting them know how appreciative I am of everything they do for me or have done for me.  Heck I have even gotten back into dating again…kinda sort of.  What I mean is since starting my new job, I began dating but it ultimately ended on New Years of all days.  But meh it’s done and over with.  On the up and up though, by doing this run, I met someone who has caught my interest.  We’re talking but that’s all I’ll say at the moment since this is still fresh.  All in all, when I take into account my downfalls and positive events, I think life is looking up.

 
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Posted by on February 11, 2012 in Mental Health, Personal

 

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Depressed

So like the title says, I’m feeling kinda down and out. Part of it is my fault and some is just life being…life lol. So in keeping in the spirit of this blog, here’s what’s bothering me: I’m now 24 years old and still single, my amazing job keeps messing with my emotions, I need to back into grad school, and I keep having this feeling I can do more but don’t know how or what to do. Since I want you to glimpse at how I work and think, I want you to follow me down a little self-exploration about why and how these things are bothering me.

Ok so the one I honestly don’t wanna tackle, being single. First off I don’t wanna be single, I want a wife, family, the whole lot. I don’t want to be in a relationship just to be in one, I want it to be a time of learning about the other person to see if marriage is an option. I even say up front, yes I want to date you and I express my intentions for a serious, long term relationship. But meh, maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. All I know is I seem to be a shining example of nice guys finishing last, blah and I was better than to even consider being disrespectful to women. So what do I do about this? Nothing. If I try looking for “Her” I may end up looking the wrong way! This doesn’t mean I’m not putting in any effort, by all means no. I’m not some idiot who thinks Ms. Right will just fall in my lap, ahaha. I go out, talk to people, be myself, and just hope I find that woman that I click with. Blargh anyways…

Ah work…it’s definitely a love-hate relationship there. Point in case, a client I thought was making great progress and might not need me anymore once his probation was up (like 4 months left) is in jail. Talk about a slap to the face when I heard he ignored my warnings and got a MTR, motion to revoke (his probation). Gah I was pissed, ran around talking with my coworkers about what, if anything, I could do for him. Same answer everywhere, “That sucks…deviate him down…move on.” Ugh frustration set in because, no offence, but I don’t want to be emotionless like that…ever. Even had my boss talk to me about getting too emotional concerning my clients. What was cool was the fact he didn’t tell me to stop, just watch myself. He understood and even found it great that I take my job so seriously, but don’t get burnt by every relapse or fall a client takes. If I don’t watch out, I won’t last due to the stress. What a job right? Become a stable source of support for a client but don’t actually get invested in them. Kinda like telling a doctor to heal the wounded but don’t care what happens to them. Forget that I say! I’ll work on being stronger, learn to cope with the stress, and never will I give up my conviction to stand by and care for each and every client. Aaaand off my soapbox lol…but wow talk about a range of emotions! Plus that was only for one client, multiply that 24 more times for my other 24 clients and you have a nervous wreck in the making ahaha. Thank goodness thats not the case and I’m able to handle myself.

Grad school…one semester down and more to go, after I get back in that is. This is really just about timing. I can get back in next semester but I need to wait for next semester hehe. But I need to wait my time and make sure I don’t rush through to next semester and miss out on an opportunity that could come my way.

Yeah and this whole doing more feeling? Just gotta get out and keep my ears open I guess!

Thank goodness for family and friends that support me and all I do. If it wasn’t for them, I might have been a client too! So if there is anything to take from this, it’s to take time and thank someone who is in the health field. Doesn’t have to be mental health, doesn’t have to be the clinician that physically sees the person, just anyone who has a hand in the healing. These people knowingly make personal, emotional sacrifices to see you or a loved one be able to live a full life. Ok that’s all now, gotta fly to get my new tattoo done!

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2012 in Depression, Mental Health

 

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