Category Archives: Depression

Side Project: Healthy Mind Healthy Body

Ok so I’m blaming my friend Shelia for getting me back into the groove of working out ahaha!  Basically this is gonna be a side project to see if forcing myself to workout will turn into a better feeling about myself which therefore turns into a better mental state.  And here’s some reading material for ya:

Anyways, my goal is to keep a side log of how I’m feeling and see how my outlook changes.  To keep to a pre-fabricated routine, I’m using the one hundred push-up challenge to see how I do:

So Day 1:

Did the initial test and set myself at a reasonable 15 consecutive push-ups before my arms started to give.  Not bad but I wished for better, guess that’s what I get for being a runner and not a lifter!

Overall Feeling: Slightly Depressed

How am I feeling?  Well currently that’s a majority of a downer but I have some ups.  I want to start with the good and the major one is my amazing girlfriend!  I won’t post her name…mostly because I haven’t asked yet and don’t want to catch flak for it!  (Mongo dumb, Mongo not stupid!)  Anyways, she has been a great pillar of support and happiness in my life.  I think without her, I might have fallen into a pit of despair after the beginning of my summer if it wasn’t for her.  And that introduces the downers…things like my girlfriend leaving for a new job out of town and my car being redone from the ground up taking longer than I thought.  I’m happy for my girlfriend but it sucks that she’s going away.  But oh well, we’ve talked and it’ll turn out for the best.  Now my car…been in the shop since beginning of June for a snapped timing belt and three weeks has turn into two months…getting told “One more week,” “One more day,” or my favorite “Soon.” That’s been wearing down on me pretty heavy since I’m a major gearhead and pretty much attached to my car like something fierce!  That along with I was uncertain if I would have my job for much longer.  Basically each Case Manager needs a decent case load to earn the pay we receive.  My case load was dwindling due to client’s getting better (yay!), client’s avoiding me and being discharged, and not receiving any new client’s to offset the loss.  It’s gotten better and looks like my job is secure but that was scary hearing your boss say “You need to get more client’s or we’re going to have issues.”

Now I know my downs are more then my ups but that’s just saying something for my girlfriend to offset that much negativity.

On to the workout so…brb!

And yikes my arms hurt! I think it’s time to look into buying bananas and the such to offset this burn ahaha. But I guess from the tone of that last sentence shows that it does help to workout, even just once to brighten a mood.  Now lets see how long it lasts and how well it stands up in the long run.  Next workout in two days!

PS: I find working out to Dupstep, Modestep, House, and the like helpful to keep me going.  Fast beats, usually no lyrics, and sometimes you get a string of songs that just glide into each other.


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So like the title says, I’m feeling kinda down and out. Part of it is my fault and some is just life being…life lol. So in keeping in the spirit of this blog, here’s what’s bothering me: I’m now 24 years old and still single, my amazing job keeps messing with my emotions, I need to back into grad school, and I keep having this feeling I can do more but don’t know how or what to do. Since I want you to glimpse at how I work and think, I want you to follow me down a little self-exploration about why and how these things are bothering me.

Ok so the one I honestly don’t wanna tackle, being single. First off I don’t wanna be single, I want a wife, family, the whole lot. I don’t want to be in a relationship just to be in one, I want it to be a time of learning about the other person to see if marriage is an option. I even say up front, yes I want to date you and I express my intentions for a serious, long term relationship. But meh, maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. All I know is I seem to be a shining example of nice guys finishing last, blah and I was better than to even consider being disrespectful to women. So what do I do about this? Nothing. If I try looking for “Her” I may end up looking the wrong way! This doesn’t mean I’m not putting in any effort, by all means no. I’m not some idiot who thinks Ms. Right will just fall in my lap, ahaha. I go out, talk to people, be myself, and just hope I find that woman that I click with. Blargh anyways…

Ah work…it’s definitely a love-hate relationship there. Point in case, a client I thought was making great progress and might not need me anymore once his probation was up (like 4 months left) is in jail. Talk about a slap to the face when I heard he ignored my warnings and got a MTR, motion to revoke (his probation). Gah I was pissed, ran around talking with my coworkers about what, if anything, I could do for him. Same answer everywhere, “That sucks…deviate him down…move on.” Ugh frustration set in because, no offence, but I don’t want to be emotionless like that…ever. Even had my boss talk to me about getting too emotional concerning my clients. What was cool was the fact he didn’t tell me to stop, just watch myself. He understood and even found it great that I take my job so seriously, but don’t get burnt by every relapse or fall a client takes. If I don’t watch out, I won’t last due to the stress. What a job right? Become a stable source of support for a client but don’t actually get invested in them. Kinda like telling a doctor to heal the wounded but don’t care what happens to them. Forget that I say! I’ll work on being stronger, learn to cope with the stress, and never will I give up my conviction to stand by and care for each and every client. Aaaand off my soapbox lol…but wow talk about a range of emotions! Plus that was only for one client, multiply that 24 more times for my other 24 clients and you have a nervous wreck in the making ahaha. Thank goodness thats not the case and I’m able to handle myself.

Grad school…one semester down and more to go, after I get back in that is. This is really just about timing. I can get back in next semester but I need to wait for next semester hehe. But I need to wait my time and make sure I don’t rush through to next semester and miss out on an opportunity that could come my way.

Yeah and this whole doing more feeling? Just gotta get out and keep my ears open I guess!

Thank goodness for family and friends that support me and all I do. If it wasn’t for them, I might have been a client too! So if there is anything to take from this, it’s to take time and thank someone who is in the health field. Doesn’t have to be mental health, doesn’t have to be the clinician that physically sees the person, just anyone who has a hand in the healing. These people knowingly make personal, emotional sacrifices to see you or a loved one be able to live a full life. Ok that’s all now, gotta fly to get my new tattoo done!

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Posted by on February 7, 2012 in Depression, Mental Health


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