Side Project: Healthy Mind Healthy Body

Ok so I’m blaming my friend Shelia for getting me back into the groove of working out ahaha!  Basically this is gonna be a side project to see if forcing myself to workout will turn into a better feeling about myself which therefore turns into a better mental state.  And here’s some reading material for ya:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/HQ01676/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043

http://exercise.about.com/od/healthinjuries/a/stressrelief.htm

http://www.fitwatch.com/weight-loss/9-ways-exercise-can-make-you-feel-better-605.html

Anyways, my goal is to keep a side log of how I’m feeling and see how my outlook changes.  To keep to a pre-fabricated routine, I’m using the one hundred push-up challenge to see how I do:http://hundredpushups.com/index.html.

So Day 1:

Did the initial test and set myself at a reasonable 15 consecutive push-ups before my arms started to give.  Not bad but I wished for better, guess that’s what I get for being a runner and not a lifter!

Overall Feeling: Slightly Depressed

How am I feeling?  Well currently that’s a majority of a downer but I have some ups.  I want to start with the good and the major one is my amazing girlfriend!  I won’t post her name…mostly because I haven’t asked yet and don’t want to catch flak for it!  (Mongo dumb, Mongo not stupid!)  Anyways, she has been a great pillar of support and happiness in my life.  I think without her, I might have fallen into a pit of despair after the beginning of my summer if it wasn’t for her.  And that introduces the downers…things like my girlfriend leaving for a new job out of town and my car being redone from the ground up taking longer than I thought.  I’m happy for my girlfriend but it sucks that she’s going away.  But oh well, we’ve talked and it’ll turn out for the best.  Now my car…been in the shop since beginning of June for a snapped timing belt and three weeks has turn into two months…getting told “One more week,” “One more day,” or my favorite “Soon.” That’s been wearing down on me pretty heavy since I’m a major gearhead and pretty much attached to my car like something fierce!  That along with I was uncertain if I would have my job for much longer.  Basically each Case Manager needs a decent case load to earn the pay we receive.  My case load was dwindling due to client’s getting better (yay!), client’s avoiding me and being discharged, and not receiving any new client’s to offset the loss.  It’s gotten better and looks like my job is secure but that was scary hearing your boss say “You need to get more client’s or we’re going to have issues.”

Now I know my downs are more then my ups but that’s just saying something for my girlfriend to offset that much negativity.

On to the workout so…brb!

And yikes my arms hurt! I think it’s time to look into buying bananas and the such to offset this burn ahaha. But I guess from the tone of that last sentence shows that it does help to workout, even just once to brighten a mood.  Now lets see how long it lasts and how well it stands up in the long run.  Next workout in two days!

PS: I find working out to Dupstep, Modestep, House, and the like helpful to keep me going.  Fast beats, usually no lyrics, and sometimes you get a string of songs that just glide into each other.

 

Outside my box…into a kaleidoscope of me’s

So it’s been a while, actually a long while really.  I’ve almost been a case manager for a year now come November.  And one thing I’ve realized, it sucks helping people.  Don’t misunderstand me, I love my job and that I hopefully help people.  It’s the people that are the frustrating part.

Ahaha no duh you may say.  But this is something they do not really emphasize in classes.  The resistance to change…what a barrier to skills training and psycho-social rehab.  And this resistance comes in all shapes and forms; kids who don’t even listen to a word you’re saying, kids that listen attentively and can parrot back but immediately forget it, focusing on another person and not yourself, just plain avoiding me…gah these are fun things to deal with on a daily basis.  These among other normal barriers, conflicting schedules, illness, simple forgetfulness, all add a strain on how I can effectively teach and pass on knowledge that will hopefully help a person deal with their illness and be able to handle him-/her- self without me.

But these frustrating barriers have helped/hindered me to become multiple me’s.  What I mean is, while I have a mandated source of teaching material I need to use when teaching various skills, how I go about it is at my discretion.  Some barriers are easy, just be that stable male figure the client needs.  Sadly this is sometimes all I need to be due to fractured homes.  Hold up though, before you go bashing baby daddy for being dead beat and not being around, some family’s father are away on oil rig trips, passed away, or heck could be the mother that’s a dead beat but dad is busy working and needs help on how to raise his children.  Other times, I need to be the stern one that tells the client he/she needs to stop goofing off, be all in, or I’m gone.  Geez, even being annoying and just repeating the same lesson over and over until the client gets the idea I’m not moving on until he/she can remember the current lesson.  Yet I always, always praise and thank the clients, young or old.  Saying thank you and good job can never be said too much.  Problem with all these different tactics…I need to remember with person I am with each person.  I in essence am breaking myself down into compartments, tailored for each client.  Yeah, talk about a headache when you have a rotating set of 20-30 clients.

How do you help the ones that don’t want help?  You don’t sadly.  Each different image of me provides the tools for the client, but they are the ultimate therapist by either accepting my help or shutting me out.  I try to weasel my way in with different versions of me as needed, but sometimes I just hope…

 

So…yeah I’m back!  Still as frazzled with balancing life and work but I’m alive!

So I don’t know much bout what to say this time beside avoiding being a zombie.  I say this because I’m taking a mental health vacation soon!  Basically with the demands and deadlines from being a case manager, burnout and turnover is a prevalent topic.  Heck my boss, mind you in a joking manner, always tries to prep for “the next vacancy.”

Take my case load for instance: I have about 18 juveniles I need to see in 2 different cities.  One city is about 45 minutes away and the other is bout 20 minutes away in the other direction ahaha.  Say nine kids in each city, most of them I need to meet with them AT LEAST 2.5 hours a month.  Doesn’t seem that bad at first but 2.5×18=45hrs i need to see clients.  Consider 4 weeks at 40 hours…so 160 hours of work time.  45 hours out of 160 doesn’t seem that bad until you add in 45min drivex2, down and back, and 20minx2 so…round to 3 hours of driving.  double that as i go to each city at least twice a week…and half for Friday.  Therefore…say 8 hours driving a week, a month is 32hrs . Up to 77 hours.  Then each day the kids have lunch around the same time, so 5hrs a week, 20 a month.  Up to 97/160 hours, getting close huh?  Now for more maths!!!  Each meeting needs to be documented as a progress note, those per person should take around 10-15mins…lets say 15mins to account for brain lag.  So i would see the kids for 2 2 hour sessions and a 30 minutes, for simplicity sake.  That’s 3 visits a client, at 18 clients…that’s 54 visits at 15 minutes a note for each visit.  So that’s…13.5 hours of notes which adds up to 110.5/160 hours.  Now lets include the various times needed to go get the client, wait for the school to get them, or other miscellaneous times per kid…say an hour a kid for each month.  That is easily 18 hours…so 128.5/160 hours.  A have an intensive meeting with other staff twice a month at an hour each and about two case manager meetings a month, 1.5 hours each.  Meeting times equal to 5 hours easy. Up to 133.5/160 hours.  So a pretty full but manageable schedule right?

AHAHA, wrong.  Now the unknowns and unplanned items that are never constant.  Things like testing, sick clients, vacations, school breaks, paperwork, and parents.  Ah parents…coupled with paperwork can be a very potent kick in the buns.  Every three months client’s need their paperwork updated.  I need to meet at least with the parent to update the paperwork…usually lasts 1.5 hours, not bad.  The real problem is tracking down some of these parents.  Calling, leaving voice-mails, stopping by the home to leave cards/notices, or even sending courtesy letters.  This takes up tons of time and can stress you out.

So yes my job is stressful just with meeting clients, not taking into account dealing with clients diagnosed with ODD, bipolar, schizo-affective, ADD/ADHD, or some kind of anger issue.

But I love my job and wouldn’t have it any other way. When you do meet the parent/guardian and hear them tell you how their child always looks forward to your visit, draw pictures for you, or just have that huge smile on her/his face…makes you feel good about what you do.

And because I’ll prob just rant about burnout like I just did, here are some links ahaha:

http://www.news-medical.net/news/2006/01/10/15321.aspx

http://www.friedsocialworker.com/socialworkburnout.htm

 

Depressed

So like the title says, I’m feeling kinda down and out. Part of it is my fault and some is just life being…life lol. So in keeping in the spirit of this blog, here’s what’s bothering me: I’m now 24 years old and still single, my amazing job keeps messing with my emotions, I need to back into grad school, and I keep having this feeling I can do more but don’t know how or what to do. Since I want you to glimpse at how I work and think, I want you to follow me down a little self-exploration about why and how these things are bothering me.

Ok so the one I honestly don’t wanna tackle, being single. First off I don’t wanna be single, I want a wife, family, the whole lot. I don’t want to be in a relationship just to be in one, I want it to be a time of learning about the other person to see if marriage is an option. I even say up front, yes I want to date you and I express my intentions for a serious, long term relationship. But meh, maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. All I know is I seem to be a shining example of nice guys finishing last, blah and I was better than to even consider being disrespectful to women. So what do I do about this? Nothing. If I try looking for “Her” I may end up looking the wrong way! This doesn’t mean I’m not putting in any effort, by all means no. I’m not some idiot who thinks Ms. Right will just fall in my lap, ahaha. I go out, talk to people, be myself, and just hope I find that woman that I click with. Blargh anyways…

Ah work…it’s definitely a love-hate relationship there. Point in case, a client I thought was making great progress and might not need me anymore once his probation was up (like 4 months left) is in jail. Talk about a slap to the face when I heard he ignored my warnings and got a MTR, motion to revoke (his probation). Gah I was pissed, ran around talking with my coworkers about what, if anything, I could do for him. Same answer everywhere, “That sucks…deviate him down…move on.” Ugh frustration set in because, no offence, but I don’t want to be emotionless like that…ever. Even had my boss talk to me about getting too emotional concerning my clients. What was cool was the fact he didn’t tell me to stop, just watch myself. He understood and even found it great that I take my job so seriously, but don’t get burnt by every relapse or fall a client takes. If I don’t watch out, I won’t last due to the stress. What a job right? Become a stable source of support for a client but don’t actually get invested in them. Kinda like telling a doctor to heal the wounded but don’t care what happens to them. Forget that I say! I’ll work on being stronger, learn to cope with the stress, and never will I give up my conviction to stand by and care for each and every client. Aaaand off my soapbox lol…but wow talk about a range of emotions! Plus that was only for one client, multiply that 24 more times for my other 24 clients and you have a nervous wreck in the making ahaha. Thank goodness thats not the case and I’m able to handle myself.

Grad school…one semester down and more to go, after I get back in that is. This is really just about timing. I can get back in next semester but I need to wait for next semester hehe. But I need to wait my time and make sure I don’t rush through to next semester and miss out on an opportunity that could come my way.

Yeah and this whole doing more feeling? Just gotta get out and keep my ears open I guess!

Thank goodness for family and friends that support me and all I do. If it wasn’t for them, I might have been a client too! So if there is anything to take from this, it’s to take time and thank someone who is in the health field. Doesn’t have to be mental health, doesn’t have to be the clinician that physically sees the person, just anyone who has a hand in the healing. These people knowingly make personal, emotional sacrifices to see you or a loved one be able to live a full life. Ok that’s all now, gotta fly to get my new tattoo done!

 

Change of plans…frustrating

So yeah, I know I said I’d post about events that brought me up to being in the mental health field but meh, I’ll do it if anyone becomes interested or even starts to read this.

So anyways…Texas state mental health…yeah, it’s frustrating.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my job!  The most likely reason it irritates me so much is this field, you only really enter it if you are passionate about the field.  In this case, the passion lines up with helping people and hoping to make a difference.  Cliche, no?  But it’s the truth, this field you work directly, no screens or other barriers, with a person.  I aim to provide the best skills training, rehab, community linking, etc services to my clients as humanly possible.  I’m kinda like a glorified, mental health focused, life coach.  The goal is for clients to become independent members of the community who can manage their mental illness by themselves.

But I digress, frustration is a major part of my life even if i wish it wasn’t.  While my coworkers and I place high importance on out jobs, who doesn’t know a days, the state hasn’t seemed to prioritized it yet.  Last I heard, Texas was 50th of all the states in the mental health field.  Makes ya feel great right?  Translate that to funding and, well you get the point, we’re the low man on the totem pole of funds it seems.  Therefore the caseworkers that are hired, we have to work our butts off to meet with all our clients enough each month to provide sufficient care.  FYI that’s a good amount of people!  Again, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect entering this field to have a cake walk but the demands placed upon us are pretty high for the area I serve.  Flip side, I feel ecstatic that our boss trusts us and believes that we can pull off some crazy numbers!  But understand, each day isn’t solely about providing services to clients.  Oh no ahaha.  In that same time span, we need to travel to meet the client’s in the community (I have an office but rarely use it), update paperwork for all our clients, enter progress notes about each meeting/session, and just the meetings themselves.  All this detracts me from the time I WANT to meet my clients!  Heck each day, I catch myself thinking about some of my clients, wondering how he/she is doing, did he/she try my suggested skills, were there any arguments at home, or heck did he/she stay out of jail…

In the end of the day, I go home and just…hope.  It’s almost a constant weight on my shoulders, am I making a difference? Is what I’m saying getting through? Am I saying it in the right way or am I the right person to be his/her case worker?  The list goes on and on but you get the point.  And after just writing this out, I think I see my biggest problem and best asset that helps be do my job, I care.

Psh, I think this is enough doom and gloom for today.  Besides, “If you don’t become an actor, you’ll never be a factor” – Lupe Fiasco “Words I Never Said”  Great words to live by and chant to myself each day.

Also, here’s a couple sites that I thought were interesting on the topic of stress management in mental health professionals:

http://www.tn.gov/mental/omd/omd_docs/STSinMHP.pdf

http://www.realwarriors.net/healthprofessionals/militaryculture/compassionfatigue.php

http://workforce.socialworkers.org/whatsnew/stress.pdf

–Que sera, sera moi komrades